Positivity—at least here, in this blog post—means keeping a positive attitude towards everyone around you, whether to a stranger or a known person. Positivity is important for this world to be a better to live in.
Okay, first and foremost, I am not at all a cheesy person. I like realistic things in reality—fantasy belongs where it is—and in saying that I am in no way contradicting the fact that fictional characters aren’t real—they very much are—but let’s face it: reality is reality. So this may sound cheesy, but it is an important step to being a better person. Secondly, if you’re thinking why a thirteen-year-old boy is teaching you this, it’s because I’m not—my grandfather is. So now that we have gotten that across, let’s dive in.
BE DETERMINED TO BE POSITIVE
I don’t know how many times I have said this—it feels like a million times, because I say it in every blog post of mine, but determination really is important. It’s an important asset in bringing any sort of change. If you aren’t determined, then you are not going to be going anywhere. Especially when the task is as difficult as to ‘be positive’.
You need to have a strong will and desire to change yourself. So ask yourself: is being a better, positive person really that important to me? If it is, how important. Am I willing to put away my everyday reflexes to work on myself? If yes you are determined to bring change in yourself, then move forward.
KNOW THAT IT WILL BE LONG AND HARD
If you’re really going to be doing this, you need to know that it won’t be easy. Changing yourself in anyway takes time and effort. It won’t happen in two seconds. You need to be mentally prepared for it to be a long and hard process.
If you aren’t mentally prepared for that, you’re going to try and give up in a matter of hours. It’s hard to look at the face of the shopkeeper who scowled at you for nothing and not punch him in the gut. It won’t come and happen all at once. You need to give it time and effort.
So if you’re unprepared and you give up after an hour, refer back to this step and the previous one.
IT’S NOT ALWAYS POSITIVE
Even if you are the best and kindest and loveliest person in the world, you can’t always be smiling. Sometimes people infuriate you and you’re going to want to rip out their throats. And you might hit them or snap at them, and IT’S FINE.
If something like that happens really far down the road, it’s okay. I personally have a lot of OCD. So if something goes wrong halfway, I HAVE to start over again. But, I’m afraid you’re going to have to fight that off. Coming back where you started won’t help. You need to tell yourself that it’s not always going to be all sunshine and rainbows—there are going to be moments where you feel like giving up on this whole thing, wreck yourself, and if you do that, refer back to step one and two.
But I feel like this all was just the same damn thing. So let’s spice it up and dive into the real thing.
THINK LIKE THE LEAFLET
The first step to being a better and positive and happy person that most people around you adore is first, having a beautiful face. Nah, just kidding. Gotcha there. Okay. So the first step is to highlight to good instead of the bad. A how do I do that, you may ask.
Well, think of it as a leaflet. A leaflet will never tell you what the product is bad at, it will always tell you what it is good at. Think of it like you’re advertising a person and/or thing to your brain. Tell your brain what that person seems good at, not what its bad it. If you feel down, look out and find something in the weather to smile about. Stop throwing shade and start throwing shine. (Get it?! Also, that was a quote from a Lilly Singh video. Yes, I’m a shambles youtube addict.)
THINK OF THE WORSE CASE
Another thing to do is to think of the worse situation. If your maths teacher sucks at math, think of what would happen if there was no maths teacher. The situation would definitely be worse. Thinking of something worse can make you feel like you should be grateful for what you already have and feel happier. But don’t go too far—I don’t want you breaking your legs and then crawling past the hospital because you were thinking of what would happen if you were dead.
This is also going to stop those angry or negative thoughts from seeping in to take your brain.
Allow me to explain with an example. If I walk into the cafeteria, see a handsome new boy I’ve never seen before, I can do either of the following things: a) ignore him and compare him to myself. Or b) go and greet him and tell him how handsome he is. Usually, I would choose option (a) without hesitation, but my mission is to always choose the positive option, which in this case is option (b).
Another example would be that if I lose a debating competition from a fellow student instead of sulking and telling everyone I should have won because I was the better speaker, I could go to him and tell him, ‘Hey, your debate was really good.’ and ask for some debating tips that would bring more benefit to you. Or, if you really can’t stand him, go to the judges and ask them what things he did to make them give him more points.
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, USE YOUR HEAD
So let’s say the situation is severe. You really hate this person and want to tear him/her apart. What are you going to do. Going physical is definitely not an option. It’s a two step back on the road to positivity you’ve paved yourself over time with effort over the stretching sea of negativity, threatening to drown you. You can’t do that, you can’t go back. So what do you do?
You use your freaking head! You imagine yourself doing the worst to this person and then you walk away. For me, this means a little adrenaline is released in my body, making me shiver if I don’t actually do what I’m imagining, but it’s bearable. But then again, sometimes, you can’t. You just can’t. And if you can’t, you come back to this blog post, read the first three steps and carry on.
FIND OTHERS LIKE YOU
Finding others like you with the same struggles you have can be very helpful in any case. Working together in a group to work on yourself and your own flaws can be a big boost. Especially when you’re able to discuss your situations and work things out or have suggestions.
And no, this does not limit you to the real world. Pen pals and internet friends do count as well. A good place to find your struggles like this is the Positivity Blog. It’s a blog by Henrik Edberg focusing on simplifying life, social skills, self-esteem, reducing stress and becoming happier.